What's Up with Me? . . .

My brother tried to call me twice today and I missed him. He's leaving to go overseas too. Both brothers will be there. I guess that's always at the back of my mind. So are a lot of things. This summer is a big one. I have no time to do a resume but I have to start getting it out. Next fall, will I be with the paper? Will I lead a team with Marci? Will I mentor? Next spring, dare I apply for the editorship? Maybe I should study abroad. Will I ever travel anywhere or have original experiences? The summer after that I may, if I do the missions trip with Marci. Will that turn out ok? Is it my call? If I do that and postpone the editorship will there be a place for me on the paper senior year? Will I get a job out of college? Will I want to live on my own?

Then there are a lot of here and now questions. Will I pass these tests or even these classes? Am I doing anything for the paper? Will I have any friends next year? Do I have any friends this year? What will I do when Jo from home comes here and invades the life I hold dear to me? How are my mom and dad doing without my brothers and me?

And then there is lack of sleep, bad diet, and anemic social life. Do I know how to have fun? Do I know how to relax? Will I die young or go completely insane as a consequence? (It’ll be my own fault if I do, so no flowers at the funeral!)

So these things are all floating around in my brain. Because all of this is agitating my emotional stability already, smaller things are bigger and bigger and rather large things pummel me. It doesn’t take much to tip the scales lately.

On a lighter note, I am coming to terms with who I am. It’s ok to not have had the adventures some have had. It’s ok to be a quieter, more practical liver. I don’t seek adventure and go to exotic places or meet amazing people, but that doesn’t make me less of a person. I may feel rather mediocre, but that’s what makes me Mary Scott. I don’t want to long to be something I’m not. If I never travel, but instead work every summer, that is my way of having a new experience. If I enjoy a good study-group or Bible study more than a bon fire or bowling party, that too is part of me. I’m rather excited to discover myself and who I will become. I like the idea of the relaxed, settled, practical me more than the discontent, worried one who really doesn’t want the things she thinks she should have. Thank You for making me me, God.