Ow--don't go

There are some days I must remember in pictures and sound bites. I suppose some of those from today were Cisco and Will looking deliriously happy in the line up to get their diplomas—Cisco and will giving each other a heart-felt bear-hug that said, “You made it, bro.” Jess, Min (Emily—trying not to call her min), and Marc(i) lined up in their seats beside me fidgeting and chatting during the talk and then all looking at me when my name was mentioned by the speaker. Grace confiscating my program because I was reading it while the speaker was speaking—and then reading it herself (: Going into sudden convulsions at the sight of a bee—in the middle of a quiet crowd of solemn listeners. The looks on my friends’ faces (Corrie, David, Noah, Nadia, Jenn and many others) as they said goodbye to me. The look, repeated so often said, “I never thought this day would come, and now that it has, I realize how much you all meant to me—HA BUT I’M FINALLY THROUGH!” Still, as much love as I felt for all my friends today, I was truly blessed at the amount of love shown to me! Another picture I’ll remember is Mickey, getting a friend to take a picture of us together. What a special guy. (:

As far as sound bites, Fracisco’s younger brother takes the cake. I met the “older” twin, Dominic, and hung out with Corrina a lot. Those kids are bright, sweet, and outgoing. Then there was the younger twin—“Hey____ Nice to meet you!”
“Is the cafeteria open”
“o, um, I think so”
“how much does it cost”
“um, three bucks—not worth it”
“What do they have”
“Oh uh . . .”
“Come on, guys, lets go eat”
He was so great! (: Then Mickey, “Well maybe you could work for the Record Searchlight . . . or maybe the New York Times.”
I had some special times with Vieve and Min and Marc and Jess too—I really miss Neen and Jenn already—I hope Kel will be happy in her new digs!

So ya—It was a really special day—It wasn’t my graduation, but for some reason, people made me feel more loved and appreciated than ever today. That was a blessing. (:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

I became a junior at 11:35 am April 25th, 2003. YAY!!!!! I can't believe it! I was in such aw of Juniors just last year . . . it's so strange . . . eight minutes before I became a junior, my RA was a junior!!! The whole thing is just a bit sureal . . . whew . . . can't get used to it.

My final this morning was a lot earlier than I thought it would be. I thought I was going to go in and flunk. I was exhausted and miserable and nothing I had studied last night had stuck. Cold, wet, tired, I trudged into the library at 8:30 am when I plopped despondantly at a little wooden desk and stared blankly at my flashcards. Then, like a beacon of hope, Paul appeared!!! He'd just finished work (in the library) and he had to study too. He decided we should quiz each other and I eagerly agreed. It was so much fun because Paul is a really super guy, but also because I retained about ever fact we discussed!!! I went into that test and I
ACED IT!!!! I couldn't believe it!!! God has shown me SO much grace through people this year!! It was so exciting. (: I want to be the kind of person that dishes out God's grace without even knowing. So many people have blessed me like that this year. (:

so WOW!!! I am done (: And I feel OH SO GOOD!!! Just had to say so.

Vieve, Nadia, and I hung with Will and Cisco after the toast for a long time. That was really special--I felt like I was in the presence of some really true friends--a very warm feeling.

Sunny was Jackie Chan, Vieve was Jet Li, and I forget who Erin was. It's funny how many people started a blog after I told them about mine. (: All our blogs are networked through eachother--like connecting brains--kk, roomie want to sleep and I'm on her puter--bye

Aniversary

Today is the one year aniversary of my blog. Yes, I did change it once, but I have had a blog for a year. It makes me really sentamental! This blog marks a very distinct year in my life--one that will always have a certain flavor to it. It's amazing how much I remember of last spring. I remember a year ago today and I remember blogging till 4:00 am and then falling asleep on my History final the next morning (: I was a nerd. What an amazing year this blog has covered! I'm excited about what is to come.

We got flowers for Will and Cisco today! I can't wait to give them to them tomorrow. Vieve and I picked them out. We thought yellow roses would work for graduation since yellow roses means "congratulations." But we got them something way cooler. A little plant--very unique--hard to explain. Vieve wouldn't let me hold it!! But I got to hold the fertilizer!! YAY

kk, I'm excited about being done and looking for jobs and my summer class and all that stuff. We'll see how it goes--my mind wants to not work so goodbye (:

Friends?

I got a little mad at my friend tonight. Sometimes people assume a lot about me. They’re often wrong. When a person acts on wrong assumptions, it can hurt. Somehow, I think my friend has wrong assumptions about me—in little things, in big things—it doesn’t matter. Off and on all year, my friend has acted on wrong assumptions. Don’t worry, friend. I forgive you and I know I do this too. But sometimes I wonder if it is just a way of telling me I need to go away. I need to back off and let my friend alone. Still, I can't do that because I made a commitment to myself last semester. I decided that no matter how annoying I feel I am being to this person and no matter how unwanted I feel, I will be this person’s friend until they tell me to stop. And I really don’t mind if they tell me to stop, although I would miss them. Of course I am not using names, so they will never know. (: hahaha. Especially because I just accused them of assuming too much anyhow! Well, just know that you are still my friend and you will never stop being my friend. (: I love you and God loves you and I hope we can be friends until we die and friendship is perfected to something much better in heaven.

Thank You, God, for friends!!!

People I'll miss . . .

Oh ya, the people I'll miss. Well, when I thought about it that night I realized the list would encompass half the school--and each for a very special reason! I do have to say that this semester has redefined for me the meaing of friendships and there have been some special people that have really let God use them to do that for me. I'm glad I've found people that can demonstrate true love and true friendship. I want to be a friend like them.

Lori was such a cool Hermeneutics partener!! Mike's got a great woman there. (: Oh and I'll never forget Jenn W (hahaha! YOU MAKE ME LAUGH!!) and all the other Jenns for that matter! and . . . and . . . oh my--(goes into corner to weep)--YOU ARE ALL SOOO COOL!!

Finish to my stories . . .

in 4/17's entry I could have written pages on recent experiences. Now I am going to finish the "stories" I started by stating simply . . . I AM FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE PUHAHAHAAH (dances around room like lunatic). And to think I thought leaving the paper would be HARD?? WHEW!!!!

ya, Candace was so flattering. I love that girl to PIECES!!!! I forgot what good buds we'd become. I hope I go back someday for her sake . . . just not someday soon. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Afterward I was a little weepy, so, as I came dragging out the door, lost and confused after extracting the last bit of myslef that gave me any worth, there, like an omen, was Will. Standing there. Doing nothing. Kinda creepy. Very Will-like. So of course I dumped on him and he said I was doing the right thing. Ya--in that many words. (: But it was really helpful and he told me a bit about his own experience with leaving that was also really helpful. After all this healing helpfulness, . . . yep, you guessed--I found Vieve to cry some more. (: She was also very helpful!! In fact, after quitting with anna, I thought I brought a tear to her eye as she congratulated me for breaking my disturbing pattern of subjecting myself to overbearing (to be kind) friends. Don't worry, overbearing friends, it was entirely my fault--b'sides, you'll all find other chumps longing to be bossed around--PUAHAHAHAHA (ow harsh)

Anna let me go easily. She said, "Oh, I know." I asked, "How did you know if I didn't even know!!?" "Oh, I could just tell." I wonder if that's why she's been holding me back a little. Well, that wasn't horribly flattering, but life goes on. (: I like her more now that she has no claim on me . . . now that I am once more an individual . . . now that I don't have to dart to class, ducking under my coat after chapel and hide in the back room at the cafeteria!!! NOW THAT I AM FREEEE!!!!!

Actually, we had some good times. (: Nothing was better than when I made her laugh.

Still! There was that day I got the e-mail from two people back home. That's a story in itself. Ask about it if you want to hear it. Let me just say that getting two e-mails from two different people at the same time then IMing another and then thinking of annabelle made me realize that I am in a self-destructive pattern in regards to relationships. It was so eye-opening. SO FREEING!!!! FREEEEEEEEE!!! I should have listened to my mother. But, as Vieve said, I've known for a while, but now (as she grabs me by the shoulders and gazes at me through misty eyes) I am finally ACTING on my knowledge! So I no longer have a life or identity. But I have hope and a future!!! Praise God for what He has done in my life! And praise Him for what He plans to do!!!