I really need time to think . . . everything is happening so fast . . . do you ever feel bullied by life? You just can't fight back sometimes.

My friend just reminded me of the summer I was 19. I had just discovered how to use instant messaging services, and I was incredibly lonely. A bad combination for me. I started writing his friends and his friends' friends and his friends' friends' friends along with other folks I'd meet through various mediums. Eventually I got the idea that some of them (who knew each other) were talking behind my back because I would write them out of the blue. Of course this was horrible to realize, and I tried to cut ties with a lot of folks. I successfully avoided meeting any of them for a couple years.

Then, later, I met some friends that did know these other people and I did have to meet some of them. That was tough, but I swallowed my pride and some of them have become very close. That summer was the result of my own flawed personality and lots of other things, and those kinds of times are times you live with and learn from later.

However, my friend told me that I had commited a major cultural fopah and "mortified" not only him but possibly some of his friends! I always suspected he was upset with me, but at the time, I couldn't pinpoint why. Never would I have thought I had "mortified" anyone but myself. Talk about insult to injury--or was it injury to insult . . . I don't know.

Anyways, I am writing this to confess it. I have to admit that I have realized that this is my personality. Commenting on it doesn't do much good since I'm my own worst critic. However, I always want to hear when I've offended a friend. I hope I can forgive myself and remember that I have moved on quite a bit in the last 3+ years, because I know others have.