Sometimes I feel like I should do an old-fashioned update, like I used to.

But sometimes I let my journals slip away.

And I have no idea where to start.

For some reason, over the last few weeks, I've felt SO hopeful. Hopeful like there are a million things coming and a million more to do. While the past few years (since college) have been fraught with too much to finish, to keep up with, to start, to stay on top of, to just keep my head above water, it's been spotted with these glimpses of an exciting future. Sometimes that takes major changes, but now--now that most of my major changes are behind me--now it is that feeling from college again. Changes are done, and there's an end in sight for this long stretch of hard work.

Now I'm bidding on accordions on ebay.

Now I'm envisioning a business plan for my own bookstore.

Now I'm actually seeing the things I'm doing RIGHT, and people are saying "good job."

It's not the good job of a newcomer, but of someone who is progressing!

I think a few years of hard work is paying off. It's getting in dirty up to your elbows that pays off with the big stuff. It's not getting in shape but staying in shape that counts.

or perhaps its the residue of lonely...

Meaning that after you feel like people have passed you by for long enough, you begin to get used to the bad feelings and start really throwing yourself into work and dreams. I'm in that middle place where friends are thin... and thinning.

in a few years, they will be married with children, and they'll be back. :)

So, what do my days look like? I got some good grades last quarter, and I have, for some reason, a surge of energy the last few months. I have been up and starting on homework by 8am, at work by noon, evenings with my side job or meetings at Church, figuring things out, getting good grades, keeping my car up...

Taxes are going to be a bear--I had five jobs last year.

Still a lot of work to do on my car.

Honestly, if I can keep a bit removed from most people and most drama, I think I can keep this up... that feeling of success... the residue of loneliness...

but oh so useful.