Something I wrote on my Orual blog after my 27th birthday.

Somehow, turning 27 wasn't as detestable as I thought it might be. In fact, I feel like I've gained a new burst of confidence, as if someone turned on turbo-confidence the morning of July 16th. Given my usual lack of confidence, it doesn't look like much, but it seems like quite a lot.

There's a lot I don't care much about anymore--acceptance, a "normal" life, my future. It all still concerns me, but more than ever before--so much more than ever before--I want what I've always known I needed. I want a hard life, something I know I can't do, but I can try, I want to do hard things! I want to be pushed to my absolute limit and them beyond. The worst of it is that I know I can do it. I have so much in me that I've never begun to explore. And with the power of God, how can my life really look? Not normal, that's for sure.

So much in the Bible about giving up everything and living in complete abandon. So much that I want. So much still holding me back.